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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has always been the reliable retreat of your Daily, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and milestones, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to find out that an online journalist Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Reflect for a moment regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and was rescued from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college to access the restrooms in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking through the school as if he owned it.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|